Biblical Friendship

What are some thoughts that come to mind when I say “friendship?”

Maybe you’ve had a hard time with friendships. On this side of Heaven, relationships can be complex and broken. However, we are called to be in the community. We see the Holy Trinity is in the perfect community.

Christ prayed for you and me.

“My prayer is not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one – as you are in me, father, and I am in you, and may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.” John 17:20-21.

God gives us pictures of healthy relationships and ways to mend them when broken within the Bible. Before we can be in healthy relationships with one another, we must be in a healthy relationship with God. The ten commandments in Exodus 20 remind us of that. The first four commandments have to do with our relationship with God, and the last six have to do with our relationship with others. Focusing on God, spending time in His Word, and praying are ways we can have a healthy relationship with the Lord.

Here are some biblical accounts of healthy and a few less-than-ideal relationships:

In Exodus 17, the Israelites were in battle. Moses had to hold a staff up during the fight for the Israelites to win. But his arms were getting tired. (I resonate with this! Anyone else?) Two men, Aaron and Hur, came and held his arms up. What a picture of encouragement. They physically came to give him strength when he needed it. Not only that, but they had a common purpose: to help the Israelites win the battle.

In 1 Samuel 17:18, we read about King Saul. He was so jealous of David’s success he attempted to kill him (more than once). On the other hand, King Saul’s son, Johnathan, was a wonderful friend who protected David at any cost. (1 Samuel 18.)

We can be friends who live jealously of one another or friends who celebrate and protect one another.

Our Savior, Jesus, had friends too. Peter, James, and John were considered His ‘inner circle.’ They were invited to see the most intimate parts of Jesus’ life. (Matt 17; Matt 26.)

Christ modeled a closeness with these men. Do you have a small, trustworthy group like this?

In Acts 15, we have an example of a disagreement. Paul gets upset with Mark. He doesn’t want Mark to take part in the 2nd missionary journey. However, Barnabas wants Mark to go. The conclusion is to part ways. Paul was going in one direction, with Silas and Barnabas and Mark going in another. In 2 Timothy 4, we see some forgiveness and perhaps reconciliation. Paul asks Timothy to bring Mark to visit him before he dies.

What can we learn from these biblical accounts?

• We should encourage and physically help one another.
• We should run from jealousy and celebrate one another’s accomplishments.
• We should protect one another – verbally and physically.
• We should give biblical advice.
• We should be vulnerable with a small circle we trust.
• We should not compete for positions.
• We should resolve conflict.
• We should forgive.
• We should pray for one another – just as Christ prayed for us.

Do these attributes remind you of the friends you have? Do these attributes remind you of the kind of friend you are to others?

If not, we can make a change. Take the example of Paul and Mark and resolve conflict. Unlike King Saul, we can set aside jealousy. Be honest and vulnerable with one another. Johnathan modeled a healthy relationship with David. Let’s encourage one another and celebrate others’ accomplishments.

In John 13:35, Jesus tells us that others will know we are his disciples by how we love one another. Let’s be people who love one another.

Maybe you are thinking, “Charlie, I don’t have friends, let alone biblical friendships.” My encouragement would be to look inward and make sure you are a biblical friend yourself. If so, I would encourage you to look around for someone who may desire a friendship. Some people don’t have time for these deep friendships in this fast-paced world, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop looking. I know many women who have open seats at their tables. Find a church and join a class. Be encouraged.

Maybe someone is coming to mind, and you think, “I used to be their friend, but I don’t think we can be friends anymore.” Again, I want to encourage you to look inward and make sure there is no bitterness in your heart. Friendships do end at times. But we are called to forgive. Forgiveness doesn’t mean everything will go back to the way it was before an issue arose. That is okay. Ultimately, we are still called to love one another.

Take heart, friend.